The Art Of Suicide
by BertGlamGa
Summary: My name is Lucas. I am a pretty normal guy. I like to train my Pokémon and have battles, just like any other Trainer. There's just one thing. I am hopelessly, terrifyingly in love with my rival and best friend, Barry. Oneshot, Clingyshipping, yaoi, sad. Rated M for a reason. Title inspired by Emilie Autumn.


_ My name is Lucas, and this is the story of how I died. _

* * *

It was summer, and I had just beat the Elite Four and the Pokémon Champion, earning the title for myself. I was very enthused about my win, never having thought I could do something so amazing. I spent the following day relaxing with my Pokémon at my home. It didn't take long before the news of Sinnoh having a new Champion was in all the papers, and the first person to come and congratulate me was my longtime best friend, Barry.

He knocked on the door and didn't even wait for a reply before barging in. I wasn't expecting anyone to really come over, so he saw me sitting on the couch in my boxers, eating cereal and watching My Little Ponyta: Friendship Is Magic. Barry didn't seem to mind nearly as much as I did, leaping down right next to me on the couch. I tried my best to hide any visible bulge with my bowl of cereal.

"Dude," he began, "why didn't you tell me you beat the League!? I had to find out from Dawn, dude! _Dawn!_ I thought we were bros!"

"Um.. sorry? I-" Barry cut me off before I could finish.

"You'd better be sorry, dude!" Barry stared at me with a look holding emotions with a mix between anger and childlike excitement. He finally took a moment to look around and realized I was almost nude and that my mother hadn't forced him away from me yet. "Whoa, dude, I didn't mean to interrupt your little naked cartoon time. And where's your mom?"

"She went out to buy me a few 'surprises' in celebration of my big win. She left just a few minutes ago, so she won't be back for awhile."

"Cool, dude. But, then, why are you watching _this_ crap? If I were in your position, I'd be watching porn or something."

"I'd prefer not..." I was never interested in watching dirty movies. They didn't seem to interest me the way they did Barry.

"You're so boring and innocent, dude. If I could, I would fine your for what a terrible job you're doing at being a guy."

"If you could, you would fine most people for breathing. You make so many legal threats, man, oh my god."

"Shut up." Barry then reached over me and took the remote, brushing against my chest, making a strange sensation go through my body. "I'm going to show you how a good day of relaxing should really go." He flipped through the channels, finding a terrible cable porno and sat down the remote saying, "This will have to do."

The image on the television was of some blonde girl with terrible tits and an obvious nose job was bounding up and down on some big black man's rod, making the ugliest face with the loudest, most obnoxious moans. Barry seemed very interested in it, shoving his hand down his pants almost as soon as the camera zoomed in on her boobs. The whole thing looked disgusting to me, but Barry was already picking up pace in his pants.

"Sorry, dude, but I just can't continue like this, I've gotta get more comfortable," Barry then spread his legs wider and pulled out his penis, still stroking it. I couldn't stop staring at it. It looked to be about seven inches, not too thick, but it looked just perfect. Barry caught me ogling it and jokingly said, "Dude, why don't you just suck it?" He laughed, but before he could finish laughing, my mouth shot to it. I had no idea what had come over me, but I couldn't control myself. My mouth quickly bobbed up and down on his rod, my tongue swirling around it, memorizing the taste.

Barry sat there with a horrified, but intensely pleased face. "Dude, I wa-aas.. kidding... Oh god..." I ignored him, focused on making this piece of meat feel as good as possible. Before too long, he spurted right into my mouth, making me choke and I pulled away, trying to swallow, but unable to do so as I gagged up my lungs. As Barry was coming down from his climax, he realized I was having difficulty breathing and did his best to try and help me. When I finally caught my breath, he changed the channel back to MLP and went to the bathroom to clean up, leaving me there soaking in cum with a problem in my pants. I went to the kitchen to wash off my face and as I finished, Barry exited the bathroom, leaving the house with just a "Sorry about that, man, but I uh.. I gotta go."

It was then that I realized I was gay, I has a huge crush on Barry, and that I had just made a huge mistake.

* * *

The following week, Barry and I didn't talk very much and when we did it was only via Pokétch. Apparently he was staying in Hearthome with his then-current girlfriend Kinsey. He was purposely avoiding both me and the subject of what happened at my house. I tried talking to him about it a month or so later, but he quickly changed the subject, and when that didn't work he made up an excuse about Kinsey burning some food and requiring his assistance.

* * *

Over the next few months, he forgot about it and things went back to normal between us. He continued dating other girls, and I continued to harbor feelings for him, not knowing what to do with myself. Eventually, it lead me to be very insecure, and the only people I would socialize to would be my Pokémon, Dawn and my mother only rarely being spoken to. I mainly stayed in my new home in the Resort Area on the northeastern island in Sinnoh. It stayed like this for a long time, until one day when Barry visited me for my birthday in the winter.

He surprised me by showing up at my house, holding a large basket of gifts in one arm, his girlfriend MacKenzie wrapped in his other. It cause the string of my heart to slowly tear, but I tried to ignore it. He waltzed right in once I opened the door, dragging in the little creature with him. She looked around the room, judging my home in its entirety, seeming none too impressed. I wasn't aiming to impress her, so I didn't give a crap. Most of my attention was on Barry and his gifts. I feigned a smile as best as I could and offered him a seat, MacKenzie one, too, as an afterthought.

He sat the basket down on my coffee table and struck up a conversation with me about how we haven't talked in a long time. After a few exchanged sentences, MacKenzie cleared her throat and said, "Excuse me, um, I'm sorry, but Barry, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry, dollface." She made a fake little giggle and Barry continued, "Lucas, this is MacKenzie. I met her about a week ago when I last visited you. She works over at that weird spa thing north from here.

"It's called the Ribbon Syndicate, Barry," she interjected, "don't you remember?"

"Of course, honey. Anyways, though, like I was saying, this basket here's for you. It's got a bunch of things I know you'd like, and one thing that's very dear to me. Of course you can have it, though, because you're so worth it." That line made my heart pound very hard, even though I'm sure he didn't mean it the way I had taken it. "Well, are you just going to sit there and stare at it? Open it up!"

Without waiting for any further prompting, I tore it open and pulled out everything inside. Within it were some homemade poffins that Barry said his mother made for him, a new badge for his beret, a nice new Pokétch cover, and a Pokéball. He gave Barry a big hug that made Barry visibly uncomfortable, but he reciprocated like a good friend. Barry said awkwardly after the hug, "I-In that ball is one of my most cherished Pokémon, and I want you to have it. I remember when I first caught it and you thought it was the most amazing thing. I decided he'd probably like you better. Call him out, dude," he finished with a generous smile.

"Barry... You didn't have to do this." With that I heard MacKenzie say something along the lines of _"You really didn't"_ under her breath, but I didn't care. I smiled at Barry as best I could before sending out my new Pokémon. I was amazed to see that the Pokémon inside was his shiny Metagross. "No. No way. You didn't. You couldn't. Barry, no, I can't take this!"

Barry only smiled at me and replied, "I couldn't not give this thing to you, man. I know you love it. And I know it loves you. It always did like you better, anyways. Besides, I owe you for not being that great of a friend to you a while back."

I recalled the Pokémon and MacKenzie said, "Alright, well, we gave him his Pokémon, can we go now? I have a hair appointment in an hour and I can't afford to miss it yet again for you and your crazy antics."

Barry said, "Alright, Kenzie. Later, bro," and left my home. Not even a proper goodbye. Sometimes I wondered what his idea of a good friend is. He's way too hyper to ever stay in one place, so I assumed he thinks just a nice hello every week or so suffices as amazing friend. Apparently more than that though is almost a sin, considering what just gave me. At least he kind of cared.

* * *

The next time I saw him was about four days after, this time he was alone. He had broken up with MacKenzie by then and was now dating one of her coworkers named Beth. _At least this time, he didn't bring a girl with him_, I thought. It gave us some alone time, and a chance for me to say what I had wanted to say to him for a while.

He came in and sat down on my couch, watching TV with me. He didn't even bother to knock, but I didn't mind. It hadn't been the first time. After a few minutes of CSI: Pyrite Town and some light conversation, I decided to finally tell him what I had been meaning to. I turned off the TV and began with a shaky voice, "Barry, I need you to listen to me. I'm very vulnerable right now, and you need to hear me out and stay calm."

"Dude," he cut me off, "this better be good. It was getting to the good part - Duking was about to-"

For once, _I_ cut _him_ off. "No, you can watch it later. For now you need to listen to me. This is very important."

"Well, okay, then, dude. Shoot."

"Okay," I began. I took a deep breath and said _Screw it, it's better he just knows._ "Barry. I'm gay."

"... I kinda already figured that out, dude. This isn't news."

"But there's more..." Barry looked at me quizzically and I continued, "Do you remember that one time when I.. gave you a blowjob?" Barry cringed and shook his head yes. "Well, that's when I first realized I was gay. And I also realized that I like you.. a lot. And that like has manifested over the past few months, and.. now I think I'm in love with you."

Barry sat in silence for a while, not looking me in the eyes. After several uncomfortable, uncharacteristically silent minutes he said, "I always kinda thought that. I had just hoped that I was wrong and that it was a one-time thing. And I'm going to have to let you know.. I don't feel the same way. At all. I'm straight, and I don't want to be anything but friends with you, dude. I'm sorry..."

I began to feel a stinging in my eyes before realizing I was crying. My heart sank. I felt as though I had just been punched in the gut. My gentle flow of tears soon became an uncontrollable sob. Barry only sat there, watching, looking only moderately sad.

I grew desperate at that moment. I grabbed onto his collar and pulled him into a kiss. He pulled away from me, and I only pulled him back harder, sobbing into his mouth. He pulled away again and punched me in the face, causing me to fall off the couch and onto the floor. "Dude! What did I just say?! I don't want to be with you!"

I caressed my face, tasting copper. My inner cheek was bleeding from me accidentally biting it because of the punch. "Barry, why..? Please..."

Barry grabbed his keys and ran out the door slamming it behind him. I lied there on the floor, holding my cheek and crying like a two year old whose candy was just purloined. All I could do was think about how much I loved Barry, and how much of an idiot I was. How much I deserved that punch, and to be rejected. I wasn't nearly good enough to have Barry or anyone like him. I was just a stupid little queer. I hated myself.

When my strength returned, I got up and found my Pokéballs. I released every Pokémon I had on me except one. Barry's shiny Metagross. I sat the Metagross's ball on my bed and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. I wrote a simple letter, only saying, "I'm sorry."

I left to the bathroom and found some pain pills that I had used to try and ease my heart in the past. Whenever I started thinking about Barry, I would always take a few to try to sleep the thoughts away. I decided I didn't need them anymore and poured them all into my hand. I considered what I was doing for a moment, only to begin weeping again. I felt the pills grow sticky in my hands, beginning to dissolve from my sweaty palms, and decided, "What have I to lose?"

I swallowed them all. I took them all into my mouth and swallowed as many as I could, two to four at a time. I went back to my bed and lied down. I slowly drifted away and never opened my eyes again.

* * *

It took a few days before mother started to worry and called to police to check on me. When they got there, they found I sight they weren't expecting to see. Bloodstains on the floor, a letter - more like a note - of apology, empty Pokéballs, pill bottles, and an unconscious Sinnoh Champion.

The story of the scene was relayed in newspapers all across the region. My mother was the first one to get a call and she was there within the hour. Dawn was next, then the Pokémon League, and finally Barry. Barry couldn't believe it when he was told. He spent the next few years blaming himself for the entire mess. It was his fault that he made Lucas fall for him. It was his fault he made Lucas blow him. It was his fault he denied Lucas of love. It was his fault he punched the already-dead-on-the-inside boy when he needed Barry more than ever. It was his fault Lucas died. He didn't even try to comfort Lucas.

Now I was dead because of him. But it's okay. I'm happy now. There are many people here. My father, and my grandparents. They still love me. They love me more than anyone in life ever did, at least.

* * *

This is my first story, so please excuse any errors. Feel free to rate and review, and be as honest as you want, it'd be really helpful!


End file.
